I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
