Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
