so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
