Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
