i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
