remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
