my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
