Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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