try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
