You just made me feel so damn special
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
