The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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