In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
