This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
