She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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