12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
