Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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