week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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