I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
