ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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