Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
