Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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