You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
