Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
