Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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