bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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