apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
