living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
