Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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