At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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