Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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