Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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