There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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