she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
