i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
