On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
