I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
