did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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