his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
