when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
