New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
