No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
