No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I need a burrito and a hug.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
