So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
