i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
