3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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