We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
