i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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