either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
