whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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