Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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