HIV tests are more positive than that guy
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
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