Whod you bang
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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