shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
