so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
