it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
