Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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