brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
