I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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