If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
