the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
