Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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