She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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