You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I could make wine with my vomit
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
