He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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