my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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